by Bobert Brush
Bobert Brush likes nothing more than a nice cuppa tea.
Apart from a cup of coffee.
But that aside, nothing beats the good old fashioned British cure all. And so it is fitting that Viking Beard Stuff – Norse themed boutique apothecary based in England – provide us with the truth on the matter. Earl Grey is a British tea scented with bergamot. I’ve never much cared for the stuff myself. And now it is obvious why! Bergamot is much more suited to being smeared all over your chops instead!
For though it makes a dull and uninspiring tea, bergamot makes for a blinder of a beard oil!
I’m itching to tell you all about it, so let’s see how it fares the review process !
The industry average benchmark for lingerability is 30 minutes (I mean genuine lingerability – not a faint impression that that is left more in your head than in your beard).
Using the sniff test, this specimen scores 45 minutes!
Therefore, it is above average and I grade it:
This is a decently strong aroma. In fact I’d say it’s strength has been engineered perfectly to compliment its scent.
It emanates with the same force as an over-muscled and under-brained Viking dullard slapping you on the chin with an over-caloused hand.
That (in case you can’t tell) is Bobert Brush’s version of high praise!
In the formal test these anecdotes were edified with a score of 1.55 feet in the emanation test.
It’s simply a lovely experience applying this beard oil.
The simplicity of bergamot and lime is very refreshing and combined in the perfect ratio.
Paradoxically, this recipe somehow combines the calming and refined essence of high tea, with the valiant and proud heart of Nordic energy.
For just the briefest of moments I was imbued with the unconquerable soul of a Viking warlord.
We don’t have any issues with this specimen in the greasiness stakes.
I was curious to see how the Earl Grey would perform in this test, since it leverages two oils that both have a reputation in the industry for being nefariously greasy – argan and castor.
However, could it be that this reputation is as baseless as the pervasive myth that Vikings were nothing more than savage barbarians? When in fact the evidence suggests they were proud warriors of a learned and high culture ?
I think so. It must be the high quality carrier oils used, or perhaps the secret ratio of almond and jojoba offsetting the greasiness factor. Somehow the Viking Beard Stuff Crew have created a light and thin oil that nourishes without being greasy.
A good result.
All the usual benefits were bestowed upon me by this specimen. Improved management, enhanced lustre, conditioning and nourishment.
The beard seemed especially smooth to the touch after application.
I even noticed a small decrease in bristle indentations after the blu tack test!
Now I was really impressed by the skin impact of this oil.
I used a droplet to massage into my cheek as I happened to have some flaky and dry skin just there. The Early Grey moistured the area and delivered a nourishing impact without leaving any grease on the surface at all.
Now compared to smearing olive oil all over your face (which I’ve done many times – it’s a hard life being a professional beard oil collector), that is a profound performance!
A 30ml bottle of Earl Grey will set you back £9, with free Postage within the UK! International shipping is available and priced at checkout.
Therefore, the price per ml is a mere £0.30
My industry analysis of UK beard oil tells me the median price per ml for beard oil produced in the UK is £0.60 precisely.
As such, the Earl Grey is exactly half of the average market price. This gives it a base value score of 78%.
However, I am also awarding a 10% adjustment for uniqueness, as I have not seen a tea themed beard oil anywhere else before.
So, overall, based on the weighted factoring of all criteria, the Earl Grey by Viking Beard Stuff scores an incredible:
A light and refreshing oil that will nourish your beard, make you smile – and leave your wallet intact.